Nanny Life, Oh the Poop, Oh the Tears

Today I have yet another crazy Toddler tale, to fully understand this story, you have to understand that Toddler is being potty-trained.

It was right after lunch, I was slightly distracted with answering messages, when I asked Toddler to go sit on the potty chair, he says he doesn't need to, grunts, then runs to the bathroom, I hear him sit on the potty. Yay! Victory, right?!

No. No victory for the Nanny. Toddler comes running out saying he really doesn't need to go potty and continues playing, now this is what got me later, I was planning to get up and put him back on the potty chair, but I decided to finish writing a sentence first, had I not done that, this story, this
toddler tale, probably would never have happened. But, no, alas, I decided to finish that sentence. Guys, it only took that sentence.

I look up, surprised to not see Toddler, later, I remembered hearing him running off, but then, all I heard was what every potty-training parent or nanny dreads hearing... grunting, and grunting not coming from the bathroom.

I ran, and it was a run that was made of nightmares, you know the ones where you can't get to something fast enough, either your legs are made of led or all time slows down except that thing. In this instant, it was the latter, every time I think back on it, I still feel the time slow.

By the time I arrive, so has the poop, and Toddler is looking down at his sagging underwear in mere disbelief. I remember yelling some sort of exclamations about getting to the bathroom, thinking there still has to be time, yet knowing there's not. The next thing I remember is yelling that we have to get Toddler's underwear off (there was a lot of unintentional yelling that happened). Toddler insisted on getting his underwear off by himself which caused the poop to roll right off his underwear, and onto the rug and floor that had been cleaned not 2 days previously.

It is at this point I am ashamed to say, I lost it, I became so angry, at myself, at the poop, at the stupid underwear that didn't keep the poop in it, it was all just too much, and I began yelling angrily at the poop, saying, "CRRRAAAPP! CRAP! STUPID! CRAP! STUPID, STUPID! CRAP! STUPID CRAP!" And promptly started crying, and the only thing that drove my to calm myself was that Toddler was sitting on the potty-chair looking baffled and slightly concerned about me. I calm myself enough to be able to see through my tears, grab some toilet paper, and pick up the HUGE ball of poop and drop it in the toilet, did I mention it was huge? Because it was, it was quite literally as big as my palm. It was huge.

After Toddler was done on the potty chair, I was trying to clean him up as best I could with wipes when he suddenly bursts out "you went 'whaa, whaaa'" 'makes crying noise' "for a LONG time." I was so started by what he said that it took me second to even process it. And then I started laughing and couldn't stop for some time. Toddler, hearing and seeing me laugh, grins charmingly and starts to repeat it over and over.

And time went on...

Toddler got a bath, the bathroom got a good scrubbing, and I got a funny story. Haha toddlers are so full of adventure, you never know what will happen from day to day. I love it.... And hate it.

Wishing you happiness and sunshine,

CG

P.S.

It's been a while since I've posted something, lots of things have caused this, not enough time, too much on my mind, but most of all, this inability to say anything that in anyway makes sense, or matters at all. So to those of you who have read on a regular basis, my apologies.

And apologies, because this may be my very last Nanny Life post. My life as a nanny is sadly coming to an end very soon, and I may be too busy to update you all before it does. Love- CG

Wisdom from My Grandpa

Recently, my Grandfather has been sending his children and grandchildren emails filled with scripture and wisdom, his latest is too great not to share...

Descisions

What are you looking for? This is a question that you need to ask yourself almost daily. If you can’t answer this question about each situation that you face you are not ready to make an intelligent decision. It is like this, “If you don’t where you want to go then any Bus will take you.”  One wise man asked his son, “What are you going to do when you get out of high school?”  The boy told him, “I am going to college.” The father asked, “then what?”  The boy answered, “I’m going to make a lot of money and save a lot of the money I make.” The father said, “then what?”  “I’m going to marry and have a nice house and a car and raise a family.” “Then what” said the father.  “I will have enough money to have a great retirement and travel and see the world.” Again the father said, “then what.”  “I guess I will die at a nice old age.” The father said to his son, “then what?” The boy said, “I have no idea what will happen after death.” The father said to his son, “you are not prepared to live if you have not prepared to die.”

          “My child, learn what I teach you and never forget what I tell you to do. Listen to what is wise and try to understand it.   Yes, beg for knowledge; plead for insight. Look for it as hard as you would for silver or some hidden treasure. If you do, you will know what it means to fear the LORD and you will succeed in learning about God. It is the LORD who gives wisdom; from him come knowledge and understanding. He provides help and protection for those who are righteous and honest. He protects those who treat others fairly, and guards those who are devoted to him. If you listen to me, you will know what is right, just, and fair. You will know what you should do.  You will become wise, and your knowledge will give you pleasure”  Proverbs 2:1-10

The Antisocial Problem

So I am a very social person. Like really. I like people a lot. But on occasion, I get in this mood where I don't want to see or talk to anyone, sometimes, not even my closest friends.. 'Gasp' I know, it's weird for me, right?

And I felt this way. All. Week. And I had to work and see people. All. Week. So I was REALLY looking forward to this Saturday when I could just lay around, sleep, not brush my teeth, or even see anybody. I could literally lock myself in my room and sleep all day. Did you get that? All day! When does this ever happen?! Never! That's when!

Needless to say, I've been looking forward to day for a long time, and I get to today and you know what happens? My body wakes me up. So I get up and get myself coffee and lay around. This is going to be great. So exciting! But after a couple of hours of doing that, I don't want a nap, I don't want to read a book, I don't want to journal or watch TV, Nnnooo, you know what I want to do? I want to freaking see people! The real life people you have to actually interact with! What is this?! Nnnooooooooo! Why?! Why on the one day I get to NOT see people do I want to see people?!

'Sigh' life. It gets you where it hurts.

Guess I'll try it for a couple more hours and see if it takes, if not, I guess I'll just have to get up and take a shower. Bummer.

Later gator,

CG

First Time Pilates

Before starting, I want you to know this is about to get so real, you will hear just about every embarrassing moment of this experience.

So first off, I totally misjudged the time it would take me to get there and get in, so when I get there, everyone's already doing their thing. So I sneak in, grab a mat and try to look like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Now when I think of Pilates, I think of cute plump old ladies, and cute, hip, skinny girls that drink Lattés on a regular basis. I am neither of these things, I don't even like Lattés! So there's 3 middle-aged ladies, a couple cute hip girls (who showed off the whole time), 2 guys, and a sweet-looking old lady.

So, um, like, what were guys doing in Pilates? I mean, seriously? Can't a girl make embarrassing Pilates mistakes without having the opposite sex in the same room?

I shake off these discouraging thoughts and try to listen to the instructor, only problem is I can't hear her, there's a fan going at the side of the room and the speak above me is playing music that has never been so loud (luckily, it was mostly good music) it's like she's mumbling, I know she's not, but that's what I hear.

And guys? Pilates is HARD! I was grunting louder than the middle-aged lady who was next to me! And she was more out of shape than I was! It was so hard, and it was so frustrating getting every move wrong, it made me angry, so angry I was actually motivated to go workout. I swear I nearly walked out of there. Several times.

So, anyway, I'm letting the anger fuel my motivation to get through, when we do a downward dog, and I notice, oh no. My shirt is too short and too loose, every time I put my body parallel to the ground you get to see all my rolls. Now, this wouldn't be a problem, but there are mirrors all around the room. Oh great, what else can people see?! I stop what I doing immediately and drop to my knees, and my fashion sense winces in pain as I tuck my shirt into my leggings. It still hurts my heart talking about this now.

I spend the rest of the time trying to not groan too loudly, whilst trying to hear the girl up front, and not die from humiliation of having a shirt tucked into leggings.

All and all, I'm just not sure I like being in that much pain without hitting or kicking something... though I might try it a time or 2 more just to be sure. I don't give up that quickly, after all.

CG

Nanny Life, Mr. Toddler

Today is the first time in weeks Toddler has let me sing him to sleep, he's so cute and peaceful now, with every blanket he owns on top of him,  I swear it's not that cold in the house, but he insisted. He's so great, he's so laid back but at the same time he must have everything just so or else it's ruined, he wants the things he cares about to be perfect, and to me, that's beautiful. Haha though aggravating at times.

I love it when he laughs, he has the best laugh! I love when he's trying to get your attention or convince you of something, he gets really close to your face, as if that makes what he's saying right.

 I love how he thinks his broom is actually a guitar that he uses like a drum.

I love how when he's being silly, he'll squint his eyes and scrunch up his nose when he's talking to you.

I love how much he loves his little sister. He thinks she's like the most perfect thing in the world, and he always wants everything to be perfect for her, even if he doesn't always like to share. I hope and pray that they are always as devoted and loving to each other as they are now.

I love how much he loves to wrestle  and play.

I love how after his naps, he kind of melts into your arms like butter.

I love that he loves learning and is so curious about everything, so many questions and sometimes not enough answers. I love all the things he's learning, songs and letters, numbers and counting.

 This boy is growing up and it's great and beautiful and oh so bittersweet.

I pray that he grows into a strong and courageous man, fiercely loving God and his family. I pray he seeks after God with everything he has in him. I pray that he be known for lifting others up with his words and his actions, may he be purposeful in his life, and may he be blessed in every way. Because he's amazing and no one knows it better than our great God.

CG

Tired, Happy and Blessed

9-15-15

My days are starting to run together, I'm so tired and I can't seem to remember anything. This last Sunday, I laid on the floor and fell asleep within minutes, I have never fallen asleep on the floor before. That's how tired I am.

But I'm so happy. Everything is starting to feel like home, the town, the house, my job. I don't know what happened, but, one day I was looking down the hallway and I just felt a sense of endearment for that hallway, as if I would miss it if it weren't there, and as I looked around the house I just felt so happy, so glad to be here. I am in a truly beautiful place with beautiful people. I am truly blessed.

I do miss my family I left behind, I keep thinking of things I want tell my Dad, from Prayer Time to jokes no one would get but him, and I find myself watching and listening to videos I made of my niece over and over again just to hear her voice or see her face. But life moves on, and everyday it gets a little easier, after all, who can stand to be sad when you have all the amazing opportunities I do?

Life is so good. God is so good.

But it's late and like I said, I'm tired so TTFN.

CG

Me and The Silly Person

(Last week's post)

I recently moved to a new state and started nannying for my brother and sister-in-law. And for some crazy reason, I thought this would be one of the easiest things I had done. This is far from true, matter a fact, I would say the opposite was true. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

This is the first time I ever moved without my family, my parents, by my side. This is the first time I have to choose a church by myself, the first time I have no one giving me an opinion on where things should go, or how I should do things, or how I should get involved, I have to motivate myself now. I am adulting on my own now. It's terrifying, and awesome, and awful all in one.

And yesterday, I realised something that has made this all the more painful, you see, I realised I had become silly.

Now to those who know me even the least bit, this sounds ridiculous, of course I'm silly, I'm like the queen of silly and I know it. I own it, really.

But this is a very different kind of silly, I became the silly person who forgets what they know about themselves, who forgets who God is, and only believes what they think they know everything about, their feelings, and the world. I became that silly person who was waiting to be told by some other human being, who is probably just as hurt and broken as I am, what I am worth.

I became a silly person I didn't even recognise, the things I said and did I was shocked and horrified by, but the kicker, the thing that finally made me realise what I had become, was when I finally opened my Bible and turned to God, the things I had underlined I just barely remembered, it didn't feel like my handwriting, it didn't feel like my Bible.

Just like that, I had let the most amazing, most passion filled thing in my life slip away. And I was left with a question, how do you even begin to get that back?

My best guess is prayer, God's Word, and fellowship. And once I integrate the first 2 in my life, I figure the 3rd will just come naturally.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for me on this journey.

So until next time.

CG

Nanny Life, What is Nap Time?

When was the last time these kids had a nap? Yesterday? The day before that? Last week? I honestly don't remember, all I know is no one is sleeping, not even close! Baby is playing quietly next to me, and Toddler is throwing toys over his gate in the next room. Depending on the day, nap time can be my favourite time ever, or my worst nightmare.

I am constantly amazed by that I basically have my dream job and am yet stressed out the majority of the time, why is that I wonder?

Anyway, back to nap time, I think that if I could get the kids to go to sleep at the same time, for the same amount of time, for a whole week, I would write it on my callander and celebrate every year like the Hebrews and the Passover, wait, isn't that for a whole month? I don't remember. Is it sacrilegious to be comparing nap time to the Passover? Probably.

But really, nap time is very, very important.

Okay, choosing to count blessings here, no one is screaming, or crying. God is good. Like, really. If I wasn't helping Baby sit up, I'd probably do a happy dance for joy.

And really, this has gotta be one of the best jobs ever. I mean, seriously, I haven't showered in days (which might not actually be something to be proclaiming to the world, but hey! At least I have a job where that doesn't matter.) I never have to put on presentable clothes, and yesterday, me and Toddler literally cuddled on the couch and read books. All. Day. You can't beat that!

... Wait, is it quiet, or is it just me?

Yep, right on schedule, toddler fell asleep right when he was supposed to be getting up. 'Sigh' what can you do?

Haha Baby is all smiles 'happy face' she keeps looking at the window and smiling these huge smiles. Haha

Anywho, back to life.

TTFN,

CG

Nanny Life, When Magic Strikes The House

There's a certain magic that rains over the house when life gives you the gift of naps, especially long, and beautiful naps. Mothers, nannies, and just about anyone who deals with young children for long periods of time understand this. It's so beautiful, it almost makes you believe in fairies. You find yourself tiptoeing through the house, afraid that the spell might break.

That magic was on this house today. And I am quite sure I noticed some pixie-dust on the floor as I tiptoed by the Toddler's room. Ssshhh... Don't let the spell break.

CG

Nanny Life, Hours to kill and Crayon Thoughts

Both Toddler and Baby are asleep. And it's only 1:20. Muhahaha. Quiet alone time all by myself. Got my Bible, my journal, and the 12 books I started and haven't finished yet. And at least (God willing) for 3, if not 4 beautiful hours. Oh, life is sweet.

Random thought, how long is the life of a crayon? If not used, could a crayon last forever? But a crayon not used is a waste of life, that crayon was made to achieve dreams and goals of children and adults alike.  We want crayons to live full lives, not necessarily a long life, but definitely  full life, full of adventure and imagination and... colours.

Being a crayon must be great, you get colourful and cool, and help along a person's imagination, "help colour their world" so to speak. And when you break, there's two of you!

It would be so interesting to be a crayon. #CrayonLife

So... what was I doing before? Oh yeah, 12 books, freedom, and kissing and cuddling Baby who decided to join me halfway through this post because she's not really tired, even though she is.

TTFN

CG

An Update on Life

It's been 5 weeks since I moved in with my brother and his family and 2 weeks since I started nannying. And it's been good! Amazing, really. I've already learned so much more about myself, my God, and how to deal with different circumstances better. God is SO faithful to me!

I get lonely sometimes, but really JUST moved here, so I really can't complain, I also have chosen not to go to different gatherings (I know, it was bad) where I might have been able to meet other amazing people. BUT! My Brother and Sister-in-law are having a party, and as I live with them, there's really no getting out of it. I also am going to try out a new church on Sunday and I'm super pumped, it looks like I might actually like it, which would be nice, and save me a lot of hassle.

I love my job (obviously) I mean really, read any of my Nanny Life posts and you'll see why, it's the best!

My Brother and Sister-in-law have been so amazing and understanding about the different struggles I've had and helping me to find solutions to problems, life, ect. They're the best and I am so glad I get to experience this  next part of my life with them!

My room is finally coming together (and by that I mean I finally got bored of all the boxes) so that's fun! I'm finally starting to enjoy being in it! Yay me!

God is so good! And that's all.

CG

Nanny Life, The Dumbest Decision I Ever Made + Nap Time

So, I guess this isn't the worst decision I've ever made, not even when nannying, but it IS pretty stupid, but keep in mind, I hadn't had coffee yet.

So I'm playing Legos with Toddler, (yay Legos) and finishing my breakfast of oatmeal (yay breakfast) while Baby, is napping (yay naps) and we're all having a grand old time, I mean, really, outside of not having coffee, life is great!

So as I said, we're playing when I hear Baby crying, so I get up, and start taking care of her, when I see this is going to take a lot longer than I thought, I go and put up the gate so he (Toddler) can't reck havoc in his Dad's office (one of his favorite things), and of course I feel genius for having the foresight to do this (I have forgotten many a time), and get back to putting Baby back to bed, well, not only did it take longer than I thought it would, I FELL ASLEEP TOO.

I wake up to the sound of Toddler yelling "I need to get oooouuuttt! I need to get ooouuutt! Do you want your oameaw? I need to get ooouuutt! Oameaw? Do you want your oameaw?!" It takes me a minute to figure out what Toddler is saying and then "crap! I left my oatmeal!" But I'm still cuddled up with Baby! Must. Leave. Warm. Cuddly Baby. Must move arm out from under her head. I'm free! Maybe he (Toddler) won't have done anything yet! Really though, who am I kidding?

I get there and... "Oh no."... Okay, so it really wasn't that bad, but I didn't that, you see he had MOVED my bowl from one side of the room to the other, anything could've happened. Luckily, (more like proof my Jesus loves me) it was only on him, his chair (easily wipeable) and.. The floor?! The wonderfully carpeted floor.... Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, I managed to get it all off the floor relatively easily.

And there ends the story of one of the dumbest things I've ever done.


Toddlers' are something else. They remind me of this everyday.

Nap time

I laid him (Toddler) down on his bed and told him it was nap time, not to get up, and sang to him for a bit, he seemed tired, so I left. Come back, he's playing with his Legos, put him back in his bed and tell him if he gets out of bed again, we won't be able to play cars, he says okay, still looking tired, and I go. Come back, he's not playing Legos, now he's sprawled across the floor re-enacting a book with his little toy people, put him back in bed, and as I do so, he looks at me with those huge beautiful eyes and says "play games after I go sleep and wake up?"
"Maybe," I say "as long as you don't get up again."
And you'll never guess what he did after I left... He got up... Again.

But this time, he thought he was sneaky, this time, he was sprawled across the floor with his feet (toes, really) on the bed, and when he saw me he says (quite cheerfully) "I'm on the bed!" 'Sigh' I give up. It's not worth it. But it is a bummer this kid's not gonna get to play all the fun games I had in store for him.

And this was my day. How was yours?

CG

The Makeup Challenge

My friend and I decided to challenge each not to wear makeup for 2 weeks, as a way to remind ourselves of our own beauty. If one chose not to follow the challenge, they would have to run a full mile. I hardly wear makeup, so I obviously thought it was going to be a piece of cake.

It wasn't, but not for the reason you would think, I didn't feel ugly or stupid (though it might have been nice to cover up that huge zit that popped up day 2). It was hard because when I made a mistake in other parts of my life, I wanted a way to hide and get my confidence back, or when I met new people, I wanted a way to cover up what I was really feeling and be my usual happy and upbeat self.

You see, I felt ashamed of myself for making mistakes, I always want to be perfectly perfect in every way, all the time, everyday, and when I can't, I'm embarrassed.

 And feeling shy and sad is not me (ask anyone of my friends) not being happy, outgoing me just does not feel okay. But you see, I couldn't hide any of that, it felt like it was just out there, for all the world to see, and that's humbling. And I don't really like things that are humbling, who does?

So what have I learned from this?

First, I relearned a painful lesson that I can't just run away, hide or cover up things when they're painful, I have to turn and face them or they will always have the better of me.

Second, it's okay to make mistakes, and it's okay to feel, even when it's unpleasant feelings like sadness (Inside Out anyone?) because I'm human and sadly all humans make mistakes and all humans feel sad sometimes, and those feelings and experiences are what shape us to be our great, beautiful, and amazing selves.

So guess I did learn to see myself as more beautiful, learn to accept myself a little more, just not at all in the way I'd planned. Never the less, I've never been so excited to wear makeup. Ever!

CG

Nanny Life, Nap Time

Let me tell you a story,

Once there was a nanny, this nanny was a clumsy nanny, and sometimes she had a hard time, but she managed. So one day this nanny was just enjoying nap time when the baby got hungry, which woke up the baby from this beautiful nap time, so nanny, in haste to pick up and comfort the said baby drops her phone (which has quite the case on it) onto the wood floor which awakens the the toddler, the nanny then is headed to the kitchen to whip up some milk for the hungry baby, trips over a bag, and narrowly misses the wall, and nearly trips over her own feet. When nanny gets to the kitchen she then spills hot water all over the counter and floor, and  by this time, the baby is really crying and  the toddler is wide awake and is rather frustrated to be trapped in said napping room. Somehow, though no one is quite sure how, the nanny manages to feed the baby and let the toddler out. Nanny saves the day. But, sadly, no more nap, that's okay though, because it's just one more hour before Mom and Dad come home! Joy and gladness! This can be done.... But what to do for an hour?

Moving and Mixed Feelings

I moved! My room is beautiful and I love it already and I love living with my brother and his family but... I'm not happy. I can't tell you why. I know I've been unhappy right after I would move but that was when I was a kid, but I am no longer a kid, I prayed and got excited and made a decision and did it. I should be excited! Why am I no longer excited? And why, on God's sweet earth am I unhappy?

I know this is what God had for me. Right? I prayed, I sought counsel from family and trusted friends, I was excited, I'm sure God was too, right? What's going on?

Or is this something else, some sort of spiritual warfare, or something emotional I haven't dealt with from my past rising up to roar it's ugly head?

I don't start work for another 2 weeks, am I just bored? But if this is boredom it's terrible! I thought that if I ever got to experience boredom it would be wonderful! You can do anything you wanted! Read all the books! Watch all the movies!

I know one way or another I WILL find out what's going on and fix it. But until then, I am oddly perplexed.

CG

Amazing Friends and Other Thoughts

I've never really gotten the chance to be the best friend I could for those I love... or maybe I have but just wasted it.

I have a ton of amazing friends that have been there for me so many different times, but so rarely do I truly love and take care of the people I love the most, this is especially true with my best guy friends. And I know that to a degree, men and women can't really be there for each other. But at the same time, I also believe that there's something that both men and women can bring to the table when in a friendship, so I gotta wonder, what do I have? Is there a quality or trait I bring to the table?

I have 3 best guy friends.

The first is my daddy, he is my hero for so many different reasons, but one of the biggest is his willingness to listen to me talk about a subject, a subject that he may hate or not care anything about, patiently wait for me to finish and then always has a new perspective, scripture, and wisdom. To me, he brings wisdom and love.

The second is my brother, probably the one I have done the worst job of loving out of all my friends, not always giving him the honour, respect or space he wants or deserves. We fight often, usually in fun, but I think sometimes we (me especially) don't see when our fun turns into hurtful words or actions. But when we're not goofing around or fighting, we are usually talking about interesting things such as poetry, philosophy, and theology. He challenges the way I think and feel about the world. He reminds me to make time for thought. To me, he brings poetry.

The third is my cousin, and he's a genius. No, really, he is. He is also my card playing buddy, fun, funny, interesting, weird, and probably the most patient man I have ever met, for as long as I have known him, he's always willing to wait or explain again what he's explained, like, a thousand times before. He is one of my best friends for so many reasons but the thing I most admire about him, and the thing that has often been the thing that held me together was just this. To me, he brings patience.

Each of these men have qualities and traits that they bring to our friendship that if I were to label them all we would be here forever, but they are obviously amazing.

I feel I have gotten away from my point, though this post has left me with many questions, the biggest has to be how can I love and honour people to my best ability? I don't have to be anybody's best friend, but I do want to love people the best way I can.... I guess that's a new discovery I get to make, what skills I bring to love people in the best way possible and do that, whatever it may be, wholeheartedly.

So until next time,
Cori

Day 4

Day 4

6-1-15

My uncle's funeral was today, I have so many thoughts relating to him, I still can't believe he's dead, I keep thinking he's going to come into the room at any moment and start hugging and laughing with everyone, I always thought that there would be more time, more time to get to know him, more time to hear his stories. We were always so busy, and I always felt too much like a silly little girl to get up the courage to seek out a real conversation, and now I feel I've lost my chance, I know I really haven't but feelings really do have a mind of their own.

Since my uncle took over the management of the Camp, I, and I didn't realize this until this weekend, have always imagined coming back to either volunteer or be on staff, hang out with my uncle and his family, work hard, grow in God, all that fun stuff. But I'm never going to get to do that, sure I can be on staff just about anywhere, I can grow in God, I can work hard, all those things I could do somewhere, anywhere else, but I think that I missed out on a closeness to my uncle, and even to some degree, my aunt and cousins, (though that is much more easily remedied.) and I am truly hurt about that.

In the service today one of the pastors that got up and spoke (there where, like, 3 or 4) talked about how one of my uncle's favorite verses was "Be strong and courageous"(Joshua 1:7) he talked about how that was how my uncle lived his life, seeking after God, and being strong and courageous in loving others... and it makes me think, what do you want to be known for? And are you living in a way that shows it, proves it?

It has been an amazing weekend but we are headed home, and I gotta say, I'm excited to get home! We have had (so far) a very peaceful and beautiful ride, sharing stories from this weekend, my uncle and his life, and beautiful moments of silence. God is good y'all, all the time.

Have also just gotta praise God for how much healing love went on from so many amazing family members and friends. God is beyond amazing, He's awesome!

Now for some much needed SLLEEEPP. Turns out family reunions can wear you out. Weird.

Wishing you all many Zzzzz this night,

CG

Day 2? Day 3?

Day 2? Day 3?

Oh, whatever.

5-31-15

It's been so good to see so many cousins, ketchup and hang out (see what I did there? 'Winky face')

It's about 20 minutes until church, when a bunch of us will be getting together and just sharing about Jesus and probably be singing hymns (yay!) so it looks to be the start of a good day! Also, I had pancakes for breakfast so I can't really lose here.

...

We totally sang hymns. Not only did we sing hymns, we sang 2 of my FAVOURITE hymns! We also had a picnic. And a bonfire... which was really just a fire-pit.  But still really fun! My daddy, grandparents and aunts shared many fun and silly stories about my uncle. It was, well, magical.

All and all, it's been an amazing weekend of memories, cousins, and fun. But now, it's 1AM and I'm playing Dominion with my cousins and brother.... Not to mention at some point I have to go up to the cabin and finish packing... So, I gotta go.

See ya,
CG

(Side note, I don't actually like ketchup.)
(Side, side note, but my cousins do)
(Side, side, side note, I know that's not how it's spelled.)

Day 1

Day 1

5-30-15

(To understand the following, you have to know that before my uncle died, he ran a Christian Youth Camp which we are staying at now.)

We're laying in our bunks, our blankets trying to keep us warm in the cabin we can't seem to heat up. It is truly freezing. Like really, you should feel my nose. So. Cold.

... But here comes Daddy with a heater! Yayness!

... WHERE IS AN OUTLET?! Daddy and I both agree that if my Uncle were here we would complain.... Is the heater working? My poor nose, no blanket for you.

Guys, it is now 3 in the morning, maybe we should go to bed. We're all tired, but yet seem to be wide awake. Eck.

Plus, one of my blankets, the warmest, softest one, won't fit from my chin to my toes.

... 'Sigh' but in all seriousness, guys, I feel totally unprepared with... just about everything for this week. Pray for me. But, more importantly, pray for my family.

I'll write again when I have the chance.
Lots of stuff,
CG

Late Night Ramble

5-30-15

My uncle and my dad are usually the first things to pop in my head every morning. My uncle's face is usually the last thing I see when I go to bed. Thoughts, memories, and stories of him run through my head all day, and when I'm not thinking about him, I feel that I should be, almost as if somehow I'll forget him, or as if I'm not giving him the reverence he deserves.

I feel guilty when I laugh or make others in my family laugh, because it feels like I'm not giving them, or myself, time to morn.

I also have all of these inappropriate questions I can't and don't want to ask but keep swirling around in my head, such as what's going to happen to the camp he ran? What about the cabin he was fixing in honour of my grandparents? Will my daddy ever be more than okay again? What would have happened if he had just waited a couple days? What's going to happen to our family now?

And what about grief?! How can I, messed up and imperfect me, help those around me who are grieving and hurt?! I know nothing about grief, let alone how to be there and help them through it! All I know to do is just be here, so that's what I'm gonna do.

Anyway, these are just the rambling of my thoughts... just, pray for us, okay?

Thanks,
C

Joy In Grief

It started about 1:30 last night, someone said something truly funny and we actually all laughed, so odd to see this friend Joy so soon in so many snippets, it's in the laughter of last night, in the beautiful summer day,  it's in the cuddles and giggles of my little niece, in the feel of the dirt Mama's been playing with most of the day, so comforting and soothing after the waves of grief and sorrow, anger and frustration, but through all the joy, there's still that void, the void that only our God can fill, but right now it feels that it never could be filled, nor will it.

Oh God, help us all through this time of grief with those moments of joy and beauty. God, help those who knew him and loved him best, may they find comfort and peace. God, help us when there are no words left to say, words left to pray. Because somehow, someway, You are still good. And somehow, someway, we will still praise You through this.

Heartbroken

My uncle died on Monday. My dad lost his best friend. My aunt lost the love of her life. My cousins lost their dad, my cousin is never going to have her daddy walk her down the isle.
This amazing man of God went to live with Him forever.
You know the things I remember about him? His kindness, his love, his passion for God and his family, I remember that he and my dad could be twins, with their faces and voices so alike.
 I never knew him, I know stories, I knew a few conversations, but I never really knew him. All I know is that those around me are grieving and heartbroken and I can't help them! Oh God! I can't help them!
A man I never really knew and will never really know is dead. I lost my chance to get to know him. He's gone. And I'm heartbroken.