Late Night Ramble

5-30-15

My uncle and my dad are usually the first things to pop in my head every morning. My uncle's face is usually the last thing I see when I go to bed. Thoughts, memories, and stories of him run through my head all day, and when I'm not thinking about him, I feel that I should be, almost as if somehow I'll forget him, or as if I'm not giving him the reverence he deserves.

I feel guilty when I laugh or make others in my family laugh, because it feels like I'm not giving them, or myself, time to morn.

I also have all of these inappropriate questions I can't and don't want to ask but keep swirling around in my head, such as what's going to happen to the camp he ran? What about the cabin he was fixing in honour of my grandparents? Will my daddy ever be more than okay again? What would have happened if he had just waited a couple days? What's going to happen to our family now?

And what about grief?! How can I, messed up and imperfect me, help those around me who are grieving and hurt?! I know nothing about grief, let alone how to be there and help them through it! All I know to do is just be here, so that's what I'm gonna do.

Anyway, these are just the rambling of my thoughts... just, pray for us, okay?

Thanks,
C