Day 4

Day 4

6-1-15

My uncle's funeral was today, I have so many thoughts relating to him, I still can't believe he's dead, I keep thinking he's going to come into the room at any moment and start hugging and laughing with everyone, I always thought that there would be more time, more time to get to know him, more time to hear his stories. We were always so busy, and I always felt too much like a silly little girl to get up the courage to seek out a real conversation, and now I feel I've lost my chance, I know I really haven't but feelings really do have a mind of their own.

Since my uncle took over the management of the Camp, I, and I didn't realize this until this weekend, have always imagined coming back to either volunteer or be on staff, hang out with my uncle and his family, work hard, grow in God, all that fun stuff. But I'm never going to get to do that, sure I can be on staff just about anywhere, I can grow in God, I can work hard, all those things I could do somewhere, anywhere else, but I think that I missed out on a closeness to my uncle, and even to some degree, my aunt and cousins, (though that is much more easily remedied.) and I am truly hurt about that.

In the service today one of the pastors that got up and spoke (there where, like, 3 or 4) talked about how one of my uncle's favorite verses was "Be strong and courageous"(Joshua 1:7) he talked about how that was how my uncle lived his life, seeking after God, and being strong and courageous in loving others... and it makes me think, what do you want to be known for? And are you living in a way that shows it, proves it?

It has been an amazing weekend but we are headed home, and I gotta say, I'm excited to get home! We have had (so far) a very peaceful and beautiful ride, sharing stories from this weekend, my uncle and his life, and beautiful moments of silence. God is good y'all, all the time.

Have also just gotta praise God for how much healing love went on from so many amazing family members and friends. God is beyond amazing, He's awesome!

Now for some much needed SLLEEEPP. Turns out family reunions can wear you out. Weird.

Wishing you all many Zzzzz this night,

CG

Day 2? Day 3?

Day 2? Day 3?

Oh, whatever.

5-31-15

It's been so good to see so many cousins, ketchup and hang out (see what I did there? 'Winky face')

It's about 20 minutes until church, when a bunch of us will be getting together and just sharing about Jesus and probably be singing hymns (yay!) so it looks to be the start of a good day! Also, I had pancakes for breakfast so I can't really lose here.

...

We totally sang hymns. Not only did we sing hymns, we sang 2 of my FAVOURITE hymns! We also had a picnic. And a bonfire... which was really just a fire-pit.  But still really fun! My daddy, grandparents and aunts shared many fun and silly stories about my uncle. It was, well, magical.

All and all, it's been an amazing weekend of memories, cousins, and fun. But now, it's 1AM and I'm playing Dominion with my cousins and brother.... Not to mention at some point I have to go up to the cabin and finish packing... So, I gotta go.

See ya,
CG

(Side note, I don't actually like ketchup.)
(Side, side note, but my cousins do)
(Side, side, side note, I know that's not how it's spelled.)

Day 1

Day 1

5-30-15

(To understand the following, you have to know that before my uncle died, he ran a Christian Youth Camp which we are staying at now.)

We're laying in our bunks, our blankets trying to keep us warm in the cabin we can't seem to heat up. It is truly freezing. Like really, you should feel my nose. So. Cold.

... But here comes Daddy with a heater! Yayness!

... WHERE IS AN OUTLET?! Daddy and I both agree that if my Uncle were here we would complain.... Is the heater working? My poor nose, no blanket for you.

Guys, it is now 3 in the morning, maybe we should go to bed. We're all tired, but yet seem to be wide awake. Eck.

Plus, one of my blankets, the warmest, softest one, won't fit from my chin to my toes.

... 'Sigh' but in all seriousness, guys, I feel totally unprepared with... just about everything for this week. Pray for me. But, more importantly, pray for my family.

I'll write again when I have the chance.
Lots of stuff,
CG

Late Night Ramble

5-30-15

My uncle and my dad are usually the first things to pop in my head every morning. My uncle's face is usually the last thing I see when I go to bed. Thoughts, memories, and stories of him run through my head all day, and when I'm not thinking about him, I feel that I should be, almost as if somehow I'll forget him, or as if I'm not giving him the reverence he deserves.

I feel guilty when I laugh or make others in my family laugh, because it feels like I'm not giving them, or myself, time to morn.

I also have all of these inappropriate questions I can't and don't want to ask but keep swirling around in my head, such as what's going to happen to the camp he ran? What about the cabin he was fixing in honour of my grandparents? Will my daddy ever be more than okay again? What would have happened if he had just waited a couple days? What's going to happen to our family now?

And what about grief?! How can I, messed up and imperfect me, help those around me who are grieving and hurt?! I know nothing about grief, let alone how to be there and help them through it! All I know to do is just be here, so that's what I'm gonna do.

Anyway, these are just the rambling of my thoughts... just, pray for us, okay?

Thanks,
C