Me and The Silly Person

(Last week's post)

I recently moved to a new state and started nannying for my brother and sister-in-law. And for some crazy reason, I thought this would be one of the easiest things I had done. This is far from true, matter a fact, I would say the opposite was true. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

This is the first time I ever moved without my family, my parents, by my side. This is the first time I have to choose a church by myself, the first time I have no one giving me an opinion on where things should go, or how I should do things, or how I should get involved, I have to motivate myself now. I am adulting on my own now. It's terrifying, and awesome, and awful all in one.

And yesterday, I realised something that has made this all the more painful, you see, I realised I had become silly.

Now to those who know me even the least bit, this sounds ridiculous, of course I'm silly, I'm like the queen of silly and I know it. I own it, really.

But this is a very different kind of silly, I became the silly person who forgets what they know about themselves, who forgets who God is, and only believes what they think they know everything about, their feelings, and the world. I became that silly person who was waiting to be told by some other human being, who is probably just as hurt and broken as I am, what I am worth.

I became a silly person I didn't even recognise, the things I said and did I was shocked and horrified by, but the kicker, the thing that finally made me realise what I had become, was when I finally opened my Bible and turned to God, the things I had underlined I just barely remembered, it didn't feel like my handwriting, it didn't feel like my Bible.

Just like that, I had let the most amazing, most passion filled thing in my life slip away. And I was left with a question, how do you even begin to get that back?

My best guess is prayer, God's Word, and fellowship. And once I integrate the first 2 in my life, I figure the 3rd will just come naturally.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for me on this journey.

So until next time.

CG